When in doubt, turn to the Lord.

So I am sure I am not alone in this when I say that I have had my doubts if a mission is really what I should be doing. When these doubts come into my mind I become fearful. I feel like my world is crushing down on me and I don't know what to do or what to say, so I begin to cry. Then I realize that this is Satan trying to get me to not go on my mission. Satan knows the potential I have in the mission field, and he doesn't want me to go out and serve the Lord. Well doubt is not a fun thing. It makes me feel as if I am inadequate and that I don't know enough to be able to go out and preach.

Doubt has been pouring over me a lot lately as I am getting closer to serving and really bringing me down. I pray a lot for help to clear my mind and ease my soul. Then I am always reminded of one of my favorite scriptures Alma 37:36, "Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever." This scripture reminds me that I am not on my own. I am not going to be out there in Iowa on my own teaching the gospel. As long as I pray and make sure I am doing my best and giving myself to the Lord, the Holy Ghost will accompany me in my teaching along with my companion. He will lead me in the things to say that will prick the heart of whoever I am teaching. I am just a tool in the Lord's hand.

One thing that does scare me about my mission is I am not a scripture scholar. I study them, I love them and I believe them whole heartily. But I am not a scholar. I don't know every single verse in the books and I don't know every story perfectly. What terrifies me is that I don't know enough to be able to go out and teach. I came across a conference talk today as I was studying my scriptures thinking about this fear I have. It was given in the October 2008 conference by Elder Neil A. Anderson. It is entitled You Know Enough. I suggest everyone to read this because it is so amazing.(A link is provided below) There is a story in there that he shares that I am going to share with you today. Elder Anderson says, "Nearly 40 years ago as I contemplated the challenge of a mission, I felt very inadequate and unprepared. I remember praying, “Heavenly Father, how can I serve a mission when I know so little?” I believed in the Church, but I felt my spiritual knowledge was very limited. As I prayed, the feeling came: “You don’t know everything, but you know enough!” That reassurance gave me the courage to take the next step into the mission field." Perfect for how I am feeling right? That right there reminds me how much my Heavenly Father loves me and knows me personally and the struggles I am going through right now. I am so grateful for prayer and for answers to prayer. I am also grateful for being reminded that I don't know everything. I don't think there is a person out there that knows EVERYTHING. It helps ease my mind, and makes me realize I am adequate and I am prepared for a mission. 

I need to always remember the faith and fear cannot coexist. I need to make sure that I am always having faith in the Lord. There is nothing to fear when you are following God's commandments and doing the things that he asks of you. For right now I know that I am suppose to go and serve the people in the Des Moines Iowa Mission. No matter how fearful I am that I don't know enough, there are people who need to hear my experiences, my struggles and my testimony. Even if it is one person that the Lord wants me to go and convert or even just touch I know that those 18 months will be completely worth it. There is no better thing that I can be doing with my life as this point in time. 

I love my Father in Heaven so much. I love the gospel. I love and know that you can open the scriptures and receive answers to whatever questions you may have. I am so grateful for living Prophets and Apostle that are here today that give us counsel each conference. I am so grateful that I was able to read this talk today. It gave me that much more motivation. I know my mission won't be easy, that there will be times that I will struggle and get knocked down on my knees wondering what I am doing. I just need to remember to get back up and that I need to be working in the companionship with the Holy Spirit. He will lead the way. I love this gospel so much and I am so grateful to be able to be a full-time missionary!!!!

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/you-know-enough?lang=eng

P.S. for all you soon to be missionaries. You do know enough. If you need a little extra help to not doubt, I suggest you watch The District. That will make you realize that missionaries aren't perfect. Things don't always go perfectly. Just have the Spirit with you and it will be the best 18 months or 2 years of your entire life. I am sure of it!